Trump Suffers Unhinged Green Slime Midnight Meltdown

Donald Trump’s obsession with the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool resurfaced at 11:32 p.m. on Thursday, in a big self-own on Truth Social.

Read more Trump Author Says Secret Service ‘Alarmed’ by Natalie Harp Letters

As part of his ongoing “beautification” of Washington D.C., the president ordered the relining of the pool with an “American flag blue” material that soon peeled off, as green algae bloomed, and the pool had to be drained again.

Of all the colors he could have chosen for his self-portrait, he went with bright green—the same as the Scenedesmus algae that ripped through the pool and kneecapped his disastrous project.

Trump had claimed his shoddy renovations, rushed through on a no-bid deal handed to Atlantic Industrial Coatings, would turn it “American flag blue” in time for July Fourth.

But the $14 million renovation soon peeled off, with sheets of the new liner left floating in the water. The administration went on the offensive, crying vandalism and pressing charges against several people, including former Olympic canoeist David Hearn, who they said was seen tearing at it.

By late July, the charges were dropped, with a document filed by U.S. Attorney for Washington, D.C. Jeanine Pirro saying the damage was instead “the result of flawed installation by the contractor.”

Trump was furious with Pirro, telling reporters he “disagreed 100 percent” with her, said she “folded like a cheap umbrella” and added, “I think she choked.”

Read more Trump Goon Melts Down Over Embarrassing White House Leaks

After the charges were dropped, Hearn’s lawyers said that Trump “owes Mr. Hearn an apology.”

He had previously told the BBC that he “didn’t destroy, rip, tear, peel, or remove any part.”

In August, Trump finally admitted that the job had at least partially been a botch. “As with many jobs, there was also some contractor error done by rushing the job,” he said in a post on Truth Social.

As repairs continue, Trump has now found a new scapegoat: every president for the last 100 years—except himself. Signs have gone up around the pool saying, “Since 1922, prior administrations have neglected this iconic national landmark, evidenced most recently by more than half of the pool pipes being clogged and the sidewalks and granite coping stones being filthy dirty.”

His bizarre algae self-own came as part of a trademark late-night posting spree. Two minutes later, he posted an AI image of himself made to look like a painting, standing behind the White House press briefing podium with the caption “The Best Press Secretary.”

Trump is looking for a replacement for Karoline Leavitt, who announced she will leave her role at the end of the month to spend more time with her family.

He then shared another image in the same style of him walking through a corridor, and another celebrating the Keystone oil pipeline.

Read more Why I Decided to Publish Natalie Harp’s Trump Letters: Author